Tuesday, March 31, 2020


Scene 1. Supermarket customer service counter, because I'd been told they keep the toilet paper there.

ME: Good morning. I have two questions. First, do you have any toilet paper?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER: We do. [Hands me a 4-pack.] Would you like another one?

ME: Sure. Thanks! [He hands me another one.]

(Second question omitted for the sake of the dramatic unities.)


Scene 2. Check-out counter.

CLERK: Um, we have a limit of one pack of toilet paper per customer.

ME: Really? The man at the counter offered me two. Since that's the only place you have toilet paper, I wouldn't have two if he hadn't given them to me.

CLERK: The limit is to ensure there's some for every customer.

ME: Sure, but that would apply just as much if the limit were two. I had no way of knowing he was violating his own rules.

CLERK: Who helped you? Was it the man who's there now?

ME: [Looks over to the customer service counter.] Yep, that's him.

CLERK: That's the store manager. [Rings up my purchases.]


Hobbits give other people presents on their birthdays. My present for B. is two 4-packs of toilet paper.

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